The toddlers pooping habit

The toddler seems shit scared of taking shits. She goes about three times a day, and would probably be Olympian worthy if it were a sport (which it isn’t of course). She’s been toilet trained since the beginning of the year and has no problem asking to use the bog every time she needs a number 1, however, for some unknown reason; the idea of shitting on the toilet seems to fill her with dread. Unfortunately, she still insists on using her potty every time she needs to free the turtle from its enclosure, and it’s gross.

She splats her shit out like the last remainder of sauce leaving a ketchup bottle and the smell is horrific. She casually sits there in the middle of the lounge, giggling at Peppa friggin’ Pig whilst the rest of us have no choice but to sit back and inhale her shitty arse fumes. Many times I’ve requested her to either use the toilet or move the potty to another room, and every time she refuses. I’m then left with a choice of forcing her to use the toilet (which she refuses to shit) or move the potty (which again… she refuses to shit). Checkmate.

I’m hoping that she eventually grows out of her lounge shitting potty habit. I can’t wait until the day that I no longer have to hear the words ‘Finished Daddy!’ followed by the bent over, shitty arse in the air, gymnastic type move.

I’ve been emptying that potty down the loo for half a year now and still haven’t mastered a technique for preventing splash back. I just stand back, pour it down and hope for the best. Down it flushes – now it belongs to the sewage fairy.

Relief… I can breathe again. Although a couple of hours later, the shit cycle starts all over again…