It’s not easy being an introvert.
So many times, in so many different situations, I have wanted to express myself, but for some reason not been able to. Whether overhearing a conversation that I could have been a part of or being at a meeting that I could have contributed valuably to, there is just something inside of me that heavily convinces me to just keep my opinions to myself… and I absolutely hate it.
I know for certain that this is one of the main reasons that I love to write. It gives me a voice. It gives me a channel to vent and express myself in a way that my ‘real life self’ just doesn’t allow.
It’s an odd thing to live with. I wouldn’t consider myself as a fully introverted person and I think that’s what I feel most frustrated about. My personality at home and around people I’m close too could not be more opposite than the personality that is seen ‘in public’.
When at home, I feel 100% at ease. I dance about with my kids, I sing around the house, I joke around and argue with the missus; basically, I’m just a normal guy.
So why does the dickhead voice inside my head choose to portray me as this quiet, un-opinionated bore-fuck with people outside of my comfort circle?
It irritates the hell out of me.
I mean, that’s not me. I know that it’s not me. I know exactly what my ‘real’ personality is like, and that’s not it.
However, rather than whinging throughout this entire post and causing you to get the violins out; I tried thinking of ways to go about fixing this. I feel as though there are one of three possible routes to take:
#1 I could continue to feel as though I’m in a constant battle with myself; forever attempting to kick the shit out of my introverted demeanour by forcing myself outside of my comfort zone.
#2 I could accept that I’m just naturally an introverted character when around others that are not within my comfort circle. Keeping within situations that allow me to feel comfortable. Being happy with who I am, and if others choose not to like me because of my introverted personality, then fuck ’em.
#3 I could combine point 1 and 2. To feel happy with who I am, but to gradually work on improving and learning as a person. Doing it for myself and not for others. Accepting that everybody is different and every single person is fighting some kind of battle with themselves. I am no different to anybody else.
So, continuing forward, I think I’m going to go with option number three. Accept and be happy with who I am. Gradually try new things, experience different situations, improve and slowly learn as a person. It might not be a total walk in the park, but it will hopefully be rewarding. After all, as this posts title states: ‘It’s not easy being an introvert.’
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